Wild Flower

Go ahead on the smooth paved path,
but I see more where the grass beat the concrete and grew through its wicked cracks.
That's all life is, having to grow through the wicked cracks, blooming through your broken.
I see no comfort in the smooth sailing ocean, it won't push me towards my dreams,
There's no way the highway knows what it has seen,
The world is so vast yet every day I find myself staring at a phone screen
because I think if I don't read those tweets it will somehow effect me.
I wish I could break the glass surrounding my body,
this box I call my world that contains everything I'm "supposed" to do.
A successful career to make money for the rent that is due.

What will that do?
Everything has its place but don't tell me where mine is
I can "choose my destiny yet my future has already been planned,
an American story where I end with the perfect man.
There are things you can't possibly know, like
Nine to Five are not my peak hours.

I do not know when I will stop moving, when my heart will stop beating
but I want the soles of my feet to know what lies beneath the concrete
I want my soul to know a million lives outside of me.
Plant me in the soil littered in rocks,
I'll make them my friends and say I wish I was so strong,
but if you ever need anything soft I have a heart you can lie your head on

Momsters In The Dark

For 10 years she was called Mommy
Mommy I want,
Mommy I need,
Mommy please help me see.
This world was so big but her light was my sun
I needed it to grow
She planted seeds in my heart hoping love is all I would ever know
For 10 years she was my gravity, my mommy don't go.

                                     

I turned 11 and though she was still my light in shining armor she became Mom.
Mom take me here,
Mom I really don’t care,
Mom, I can see on my own.
I became too cool for her tight hugs but no matter how I shoved she wouldn’t let go.

 

12 years old and her light flickered
Her mom died and it was the first time I saw her cry
Of course I didn’t understand because I still had my mom’s hand.
She had dimmed but I could still see
the bottles of wine on the nights she didn’t have her mom’s light

 

2 more years and her light went out.
I called her Momster because I was told that’s what lives in the dark.
I tried to become her gravity; I tried to pull her back to me.
I brought flashlights and bibles waiting for her sunrise.

 

I’m 15 when she empties the bottle of pills
The ICU lights are the only thing glowing.
There’s dark charcoal pumping through her and I wonder if that’s the color of her soul.

 

For 2 years she becomes a storm, the only light I see is her tearing down the electricity poles.
Sparks are flying, burning out my only hope.
I’m told the medicine will fix her, but my sun still won’t shine.
My flashlight batteries are done and my Bible no longer has solutions.

 

Momster is upset,
Momster yells,
Momster has left me here alone.

 

I’m almost 18 and the Momster leaves.
December 31^st and the sun sets refusing rise for a new year
All the light was drained out of her and replace with alcohol and pills
She left not realizing I still needed that light to grow.

 

She left this life in the dark,
She left my life in the dark saying
Mommy I want you,
Mommy I need you,
Mommy I can’t see why you had to go.